The world according to Carrie

Today I ran across something pretty profound that I hope reaches out to those who haven’t made up your mind for Christ yet….

This is a quote from Beth Moore’s study on Esther:

“What would God’s kingdom gain from a people who were only humiliated?  What would be the reward of our existence if we were only repentant and never repaired?  Discontent with Selfishness and weary of Ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater.  In doing so, we find Christ as we’ve never known Him and, there, pooled in the reflection of His eyes, startle to discover that a part of ourselves resembles Him.”

“That, Beloved One, is what happens when human flesh and blood – with all it’s frailty – participates in the divine nature.”

I read this today and it just hit me…there are a few people who ran through my mind that I thought needed to hear this, but it struck me hard and took me back to where I was before God pulled up out of a pit…

You know that feeling like something is missing in your life…you can’t quite put your finger on it, but there is an emptiness to life.  You start buying into some of the bullcrap; the stuff that some philosophy professor in college taught you about existentialism…you think that maybe they were on to something…that everything really is meaningless.  You try to fill that void with the next relationship, the next trend, a new car, a bigger house, a better job…you find yourself saying…”when I have this…”  But then you get whatever it is and it’s just not filling that void. 

You start to wonder why you’re here.  You wonder if there is a God and if there is, why does he allow all this really evil stuff to happen.  You’ve met the self possessed Christian that looks down their nose at you and you think, I don’t want to be like that hypocrite.  The absolute worst thing that you can imagine happens to you and you start trying to make deals with God…

“Discontent with Selfishness and weary of Ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater.”  

This was the line that got me.  I felt like God had blessed me, but that I wasn’t giving back.  I thought that there had to be more to this life, than the life I was living.  I was enthralled with climbing the corporate ladder and my self worth was tied up in who I associated with, my job title and the amount of money I made.  But none of it made me happy.

I was so tired of trying to steer this ship on my own, of having no road map to see if I was on the right path.  Of navigating on only my “feelings”.  I was finally willing to lose myself to something greater. 

So, after driving past it every Sunday for months, I made up my mind to walk into this Church one Sunday and I haven’t stopped going since.  That was about 4 years ago now, after that first Sunday, I just couldn’t get enough.  I still have my notes from my first Sunday pinned to my bulletin board.  My Pastor Described Jesus as Authentic, Relevant, Enjoyable and Accepting.  That was a guy I “resembled” (or at least wanted to) and someone I wanted to know more about.  

Since that 1st day, my life has changed completely and it started on the inside.  I not only accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, but I made the choice to be his disciple (which means learner).  I no longer lay awake at night: fearful and worried about where I will spend eternity, if there is a heaven, will I be able to get in, who God is, is He mad at me…no, now I have answers to all of those questions and many more.  I have and continue to participate in the Divine Nature of Christ Jesus and He continues to lovingly repair me.

There are some hurts that only God could heal and I’ve been on the receiving end of that divine healing.  There are some habits, only He can break.  There are some walls around a heart that are so thick and so high, that only God can break through…I pray that you let Him into your heart and your life and then hang on, it’s the best ride you will ever take…

So a few weeks ago I was asking God if He wanted me to do a certain thing with a certain someone…and He answered me while I was vacuuming…the thought popped into my head…”I am doing a new thing…”  so I took it as a yes to my question.  Then a week later an awesome friend of mine said, “this verse has really been jumping out at me this year…”  Its Isaiah 43:19 “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” 

When she said that, I got the proverbial kick in the stomach…

So a few days later, I was led back to that verse and was talking to God about it the next morning….you see, we all get the part about the new thing, we get all excited about the new thing that God is doing in us, for us, to us, around us, unbeknownst to us…but then it says “do you not perceive it?” 

What struck me was that He had to ask us if we were even getting it…it’s springing right up in your face, right now, it springs up….hello, Mcfly…are you seeing this…are you on board with me…are you following me…?  I am trying to do this really, really cool thing, open your eyes, your heart, your ears, your spirit….open up to this new thing I want to do…He Says a little earlier in the chapter 43:1…Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

I think that we are the ones who stand in the way of God’s blessings in our life….He tells us not to be afraid, He says, Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you, When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

So why do we fear new things and change so much.  Why, when we feel that push or tug toward that new unfamiliar and unknown thing, does everything in us scream “retreat”  “run” “go back”? 

 

Why don’t we just Trust Him and welcome the New thing He is doing? 

 

I can tell you from personal experience (a lot of personal experience) that it is never as bad or scary as you think it is going to be.  Our God is gentle.  But He does expect us to do our part and to do the work.

 

About 16 months ago I asked God for a new thing in my life, then I started confessing and believing Him for that new thing.  Then we began this journey and my primary motivator at the beginning was the gift (the thing I asked for), not the Giver (God).  As I traveled this path with Him and got to know Him even better, the funniest thing happened, it became about the Giver and not the gift. 

 

Now I got the confirmation last week that the work He has been doing in me, to get me ready for what I asked for, is complete.  I passed the tests, I learned the lessons, my character has developed, my faith muscle is strong, I am ready or as ready as He needs me to be right now.  I perceived each new thing as it sprang up at me, and boy did things spring up out of nowhere, but He was right there waiting for me to ask for help and each time that I did, He was there…

 

Don’t fight what He is trying to do…let the past be the past, learn from it, see it through new eyes and then look up and press on to the amazing new thing that God wants to do in, for and through you.

It wasn’t that long ago that I was traveling the wide road with the rest of the world.  I got a reminder this week of what that life was like and how grateful I am that God was persistent in his pursuit of me.

Got a call from a friend and she expressed how worried she was about another friend of ours; how she was praying for her…  She started telling me some of the things that were going on and what had been rumored about her…my stomach just clenched up…

It wasn’t that long ago that I was chasing that invisible thing to fill the emptiness.  It wasn’t that long ago that I ran as fast and hard as I could away from myself and my real feelings.  It wasn’t that long ago that I participated in the self loathing lifestyle.  It wasn’t that long ago that I depended on other human beings to tell me who I was and what my worth was, It wasn’t that long ago that I truly didn’t respect myself…

I just prayed…it’s all I could do as I sat in my car on a snowy, cold winter day in Pennsylvania.  I just prayed for my friend because I know the ick that is inside of her.  I know that fear and hopelessness.  I know that insecurity and that need.  I remember it well…

I think that God allows us these glimpses into our old selves and our old lives from time to time, just to show us how far He has brought us from our former selves.

As I sit here, tears of sadness and joy are rolling down my face simultaneously.  I am so sad for my friend.  She is stuck in a life that doesn’t make her happy, yet she continues there.  Yet I know that if she just turns to Him, He can do for her what He did for me.  The Joy of the Lord IS my strength (Nehemiah 8:10).  Knowing him and deciding to, not only accept Him as my Lord and Savior; but to become His Follower was the absolute turning point in my life.  I cry tears of joy, as I am humbled that He took the time to save me from myself….

Please join me as I lift up my friend to Him.  Lord, disturb her, change her heart, let her know that You are what she is searching for.  Let her know that she is looking in all the wrong places to fill that emptiness inside.  Most importantly, let her know how much unconditional love You have for her!  Lord I pray this for my friend and for all those lost sheep out there.  I ask all this in Jesus precious name.  Amen.

 

It was a windy January night on
Virginia Beach, one of those nights where the clouds cover and uncover the moon.  Where you’d catch glimpses of stars here and there and when you did, it was an awe inspiring experience.  When He would pull back the clouds and give me a glimpse of the moon and the stars; as if he was showing me the beauty He created just for my enjoyment.

 

As the wind blew, it picked the sand up and it skimmed across the surface of the beach and around me like whispy white clouds; they had an almost ghost-like appearance.  I thought that maybe this is what the Holy Spirit looks like when He moves around us and through this world.  It was ethereal and beautiful.

 

I felt the light stinging of the sand on my face and the wonderful feeling of the wind in my hair.  I was walking along side the enormous Atlantic Ocean, I felt small in its presence and power.  The waves were gathering out at quite a distance and the white caps would roll into the shore and then ever so gently the water would spread up onto the beach, as if it was trying to reach me….

 

God joined me on that beach and walked with me for an hour.  We talked, we laughed, we cried…not tears of sorrow, but of joy, the joy you can only know, if you know Him.  We met a few wet dogs, we lifted up those we love in prayer and just enjoyed His awesome creation. 

 

At the end of my walk, I stopped about 50 yards from my hotel and just stood there admiring the Ocean.  I asked God, “Do You have anything else you want to tell me before I go in?”  I paused to wait on the answer and all of a sudden a gale force wind hit me from behind, in that one instant this huge storm hit, the rain was coming down sideways like it does in a hurricane and the wind kept gusting and pounding me from behind, it was blowing so hard it almost pushed me over a few times.  I just stood there waiting on God’s answer and the scripture came to mind where God tells Elijah to go stand on the mountain, that the Lord is about to pass by….

 

1 Kings 19:11-13 Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
      Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 

 

I got the sense that God was wrapping up all that I have learned from Him recently.  I stood in the storm, it blew all around me, and I stood in faith waiting on Him.  I was not afraid, I felt His peace and His joy.  I was laughing in the face of a scary, unexpected situation, still standing, waiting to hear a word from Him.  I had my eyes on Him the entire time, it didn’t matter what was blowing around me, I felt it, I was getting wet, the rain and the sand were pelting me, but I was more interested in Him and what He was telling me.  I was listening for the still small voice inside of me, where only He resides.

 

I trusted Him completely that I was safe and that no harm would come to me.  I STOOD MY GROUND knowing that I was safely in His arms and I knew with every fiber of my being that He was God and I was His and that no matter what comes my way, He will never leave me or forsake me.  This situation solidified that my circumstances can and will never dictate who I am to Him and in Him.  I have finally found true confidence, God Confidence; that is so much better than worldly confidence.  I know, finally, who I am.

 

The storms will come and try to blow us around, but He always has us.  He is our constant in this ever changing world.  Jesus is the only solid thing we have to cling to in this journey we call life…. 

 

When my reverie came to an end, as I held my hood over my head, I said to my Awesome God, “ok, now You have to get me up the beach and into my hotel”…and He did just that.

 

As I reflected on the experience and had the overwhelming desire to write it down, I realized what a perfect example this experience was of what our walk with Him should look like.  When the storms come out of nowhere, we need to turn to Him first, put our trust in Him and Stand in faith, keep our eyes on Him and Know that He is right there in the middle of the storm with us.  We need to listen carefully in the midst of all the noise for the whisper from Him inside us….

For most of you who know me, you know that I like clean.  I like things fresh and new.  I like things in order.  I am all about choices.  I am all about personal responsibility.  I am all about second chances.  I am all about anything being possible.  So you would think that the new, fresh, clean, unblemished, full of unlimited possibility New Year would be my absolute favorite holiday.  It used to be….but I don’t need a holiday to mark a fresh new start. 

But as I was spending some time with God this morning, this very first morning of 2009, it occured to me that every day in your walk with Him is New Years Day. 

Every Day is a clean sheet of paper (I did start a new journal yesterday..love that).  Every Day we start fresh with God.  We can choose to stay on His path for us with Him.  We can choose to start each day with Him in hopeful, faith-filled expectation.

Our time isn’t His time.  But He blesses us with it.  As Human beings, a date on the calendar seems to signify that the old is behind us and that we get a fresh start.  I know I’ve gone the resolution route and failed pretty much every time.  But when God entered my life, and I submitted completely to Him, that is when my fresh start truly began.  That’s when my past mistakes were taken from me as far as the east is from the west, that’s when my real life began.

When I chose to follow Him and to Submit to Him, that’s when I found the strenghth (in Him) to make the real changes that needed to be made in my life.  The stuff I thought I could never give up, I don’t even miss, what I thought I wanted in and for my life, I no longer want.  I want what He wants for me and therefore, now my dreams are attainable and will happen, and as they come to pass, I know He is absolutely going to knock my socks off.  Now, that is a much better way to celebrate a new beginning than a fifth of Captain and a hangover to to start the New Year.

If you don’t know Jesus, or if you do and you haven’t submitted every area of your life to Him, I strongly encourage you to get to know Him and/or to Trust Him completely with EVERYTHING (it is not as scary or hard as it sounds).  New Years Day is just another day in this world of imperfection, but with God, Every Day is New Years and Every Day you get one step closer to the person He created you to be and to the Big Huge Awesome plan He has for your life! 

Father God, Thank You that Your Compassion, Mercy and Grace are new every day.  That You are faithful in Your Word and Promises to us.  Even though we deserve nothing, Your desire is to Bless us beyond our wildest dreams.  I Praise You and only You!  In Jesus Name, Amen!

Lamentations 3:22-24 (New International Version)

Today I was thinking about betrayal.  As Christians, we are certainly not immune to it.  I think it just shocks us a little more that it happens to us and is delivered from another Christian.  So I was talking with God about it and had a little revelation….

If you look at what Judas did to Jesus…He seriously sold out the Son of God for 30 silver coins…not gold, silver.  That’s just crazy, but Judas had to play his role in what was to be the greatest gift of all to mankind.  Just like the people that God allows to do things that hurt us, He uses them to develop our character.  The people that come in and out of our lives play a role for our growth if we don’t get mired in the anger and bitterness.

But then what did Judas do?  Can you imagine how he felt after he delivered Jesus to the Chief Priests?  According to Matthew Chapter 27, Judas went and returned the money and then he hung himself.

So when a Christian friend betrays us, eventually, the conviction will catch up with them.  We have to exact no revenge, God takes care of that.

But the other really cool thing is that our Lord and Savior knows how horrible that feels and shows up in a big way to comfort us.  He also led by example, in His final moments on this planet, He said, forgive them, they know not what they do…

So we’re called to forgive 7 X70 times anyone who sins against us.  Now forgiveness isn’t real easy for we fleshly beings, especially when someone has hurt or betrayed us.  But God knows that we cannot do it of our own strength, we need Him to come in and pour His Grace over the wound to heal it.  His Grace is available to all who ask and He wants to give it to us so that we can move forward into the plans that He has for our lives.

Un-forgiveness is a road block on our journey with Him and stands in the way of Him doing what He wants to do for, in and through us.  We need to choose to forgive, ask for His Grace and help and then get the heck out of the way….

Father God, Your Grace is more than sufficient and I thank You for continuing to provide it.  I Praise your Glorious Name Jesus!  In Him, Amen.

Have you ever asked yourself, “what in the hell was I thinking?” 

I’ve done just that recently.  Why would I think that God would want me to settle for so much less than He wants to give me?  I almost feel like I failed a test, but in typical God fashion, He came through with flying colors and used it for his purposes, redeemed it, protected me and got me on the right path to where He wants me.

Sometimes we think we are following God and that we are in His will for our life and then a little prophet comes along and gives us some straight talk.  Confirms that the icky feeling we had about something was one to be heeded, shows us our true worth and points us toward the next lesson that God has for us.

I have to tell you, recently I’ve become a big fan of Queen Esther.  Talk about coming from nowhere.  This woman had it going on, she was smart, confident and she trusted God even when she wasn’t 100% sure of what He was calling her to do.  It’s a lot like us these days, we get clues from God, but it’s not like we have a big cloud to follow around the desert or we’re hanging out with Jesus.  But we do have all 66 books of the Bible and if we are heeding Proverbs 3:5, our path does remain straight.

She prayed, she praised, she fasted and she trusted.  She took a step out in faith and she saved all the Jews in Persia…not bad for a days work…

Father God, I praise and thank you for continuing to protect me.  I praise and thank you for the plans you have for my life.  No matter what, I will do my best to follow you and your will for my life.  In Jesus Name!  Amen

Well, I just finished  a 2.2 mile jog/walk with the Madster and I was thinking about Christmas and what it all means.  I was actually feeling kinda’ bad because I’ve been a little crabby this week.  I had (what I am fondly referring to as) Martyr Monday.  You know when you are just doing all the _________ (fill in the blank) and no one understands or appreciates what you do or go through?  What a crock…time for me to put on the big girl panties and suck it up

Think about the ultimate Martyr; He never complained.  He sacrificed himself for each and every one of us.  And what did He say?  “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.”  So I’ve got to cook a few meals and serve my parents and friends for a few days, big deal, as I seriously reflect, it’s an honor and privlege to be able to do just that.

I Praise and Thank God for the free Gift, for sending His one and only Son just for me.  I praise and thank God for all the blessings in my life, for the amazing year we just finished together (He kicked the crap out of me : )  I praise and thank him for my awesome parents, my brother and sister(s), my neice and nephews.  I praise Him for the blessing of the friendships he has brought into my life.  I praise and thank him for my Church and my Pastors, they are tireless in their ministry.  I am on my knees humbled at all He wants for us and His amazing plans.

So, I’m dropping the “tude” and getting into the True Spirit (Holy Spirit) of the Season; My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  May you all be blessed during this wonderful season and all of those to come.  Merry Christmas to all…..May the lost be found….The Wounded, healed.  And may we all learn to recieve His amazing gifts and promises.  In Jesus Name.